Random Oneshots
by The Elemental Angel
Summary: This is a pileup of all the random, craziest, weird, wacky, ideas I get in the middle of nowhere. Don't be surprised if some of this crap doesn't make sense, because it probably won't. So...yeah...come here if you want humor...and stuff...
1. Of Coffee Machines and Cursing

AN:So, first fanfic! This will probably be just a bunch of humorous collections with plots that came up in the middle of no where in my crazy mind. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, and it might take a while before I update between each chapter, so again, I apologize for stuff like that. Probably is extremely short, so sorry about that.

Sorry if the characters seem a little OOC, but I tried my best. Dick is around ten, Wally is thirteen, and Roy is fifteen. No slash, just brotherly bonding, hopefully it was humorous for you guys. The details about the coffee machine are probably wrong since I've never used one, and I don't know how to use one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. I do, however, own an extremely messy room that has too many things I should give away. But for some stupid reason I'm too lazy to do such a thing as that.

Chapter One

Of Meddlesome Coffee Machines

November 4, 15:05

Queen Industries

He hated Ollie. No, he loathed Ollie. And Dinah, for saying they'd be fine in two minutes. For some reason, he'd agreed! He thought walking through the headquarters of Queen Consolidated wouldn't be the worst thing he had said yes to, and he did have a reason to leave that was very important! But to his chagrin, he was wrong. So wrong.

And now Roy had to deal with two immature kids holding several paper cups under a broken coffee machine that was spewing liquid from each side. Cups were quickly being handed to a thin redhead with green eyes that was desperately racing across the room and dumping them out in the sink. The blue-eyed black-haired acrobat was grabbing more and more cups at lightning speed, watching them fill up as he prepared the next one. But even more chaos erupted around them when he ran out of cups to grab, causing the coffee began to spray everywhere.

"Crap! We ran out of cups! Where are all the cups we used before, that you dumped in the sink?" he asked.

"I may or may not have thrown them away. I didn't know we were gonna re-use them!" the other boy answered sheepishly.

"This is a disaster!" the first yelled, pacing across the small kitchen.

"Oh man, Roy's gonna kill us! What are we gonna do?" the he asked, opening cupboards and trying to find more cups.

"Well, you can start by explaining what the hell is going on here," Ollie said, his voice increasing louder with each word as Dinah began chiding him for language. Both boys jumped at his voice and turned, getting frightened and sheepish expressions at their questioning looks.

"Forget about Roy, they're all gonna be mad. Especially when they find out how you somehow dumped a whole gallon of water into the coffee pot!" the younger boy stated, snickering before the older and taller one elbowed him in the gut.

"Uh, hey, Ollie, Roy, Dinah! Didn't see you there! How's your day?" the redhead said, chuckling nervously. Unfortunately for him, he rested his elbow on the countertop, accidently nudging the machine still spewing liquid everywhere. This made the coffee target the two middle-aged men standing to the right of Dinah, who began laughing when they got sprayed in the chest, just narrowly missing her. This only served to anger them more, and Roy forcefully managed to get out one sentence.

"WHAT. THE. F*CK?" he asked, steaming from head to toe.

Five minutes earlier

"Hey Roy? Can I talk to you for a second?" A tall man with blond hair and a short beard poked his head through the doorway, calling for his ward.

"Can't you see I'm busy babysitting these two? Besides, Bruce and Barry will have my head if I leave Dick alone and Wally alone, as well as security," a tall redhead with blue eyes responded.

"Or, you could come now, when we ask for you," said a female voice, as a woman with long blond hair and blue eyes said with one eyebrow raised poked her head through the doorway as well, underneath Oliver's.

Roy sighed. No one wanted to argue with Dinah unless they wanted their butts kicked. "Fine. Remember the rules while I'm gone. Don't fight, get hurt, kidnapped, maimed, don't whine, cry, yell, shout, break anything, die, get killed, or really, act like yourselves in general. I'll be back soon, and I better not hear of any restraint orders placed between you and other children because you were freaking them out." With that, he, Ollie, and Dinah left the room. Almost immediately, Wally turned to Dick.

"We're not children! So, what do you want to do?" he questioned with a confused look.

"I dunno. Hey, I wonder how those coffee machines work. Can't you just mix the water with the weird powder thingy instead?" the younger boy answered, looking at the countertop.

"I've seen Aunt Iris use those enough times to know how to make coffee, and it's not that simple. You have to be a true master of the coffee-making to understand the world, such as I happen to be," the teen bragged, walking over to the coffee pot.

"Well, if you are so great at making coffee, then enlighten me in your ways, O-Master-of-Coffee," Dick said, mocking him.

"Fine then. I will enlighten you in my ways. Just...maybe when Roy gets back. To prevent me from doing something stupid," he answered, adding the last part a little more quietly. Unfortunately, the kid next to him was trained by Batman, and caught what he said.

"Sure, when Roy gets back. Although, making coffee does not require a fifteen-year old teenager-" "What else is a fifteen-year old besides a teenager?" "-Unless, of course, the great Wally West, self-proclaimed coffee master, is afraid of this challenge too mighty even for him?"

"I'm not scared! You're so immature sometimes," Wally said, raising his chin and crossing his arms.

"I know you are, but what am I?" the other responded cheekily.

"Fine, I will prove my awesome skills to you, and then you will bow down to my awesome prowess once more!"

After a minute of complete silence

"So, how's your coffee-making going?" Dick asked, jumping up on the counter next to the machine and swinging his legs back and forth.

"It's going great, thankyou very much," Wally huffed with an annoyed tone and his arms croseed.. But at that moment, the coffee machine started to bubble and leak coffee down the sides, making a low humming noise.

Bending towards eye level with the machine, Dick furrowed his eyebrows and leaned closer. "Uhh, I've never used a coffee machine before, but I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to happen-"

The acrobat was cut off from finishing his sentence when the small dribble down the sides turned into a full-on sprayfest. It showered his face and dripped off his chin, running down his shirt too. Wally bent over and began laughing, momentarily forgetting about the disaster about to happen in the coffee pot to savor the memory. Then the machine poured coffee down all of its sides, and it eventually dripped onto the floor, pooling below.

In a few seconds the drip turned into a quick-paced stream, and Wally panicked. "What the hell is taking Roy so long!" he shouted, before realizing there was a ten-year old next to him.

"Ollie talks too alot, and they have Dinah with them who will do anything to get those two to spend time together! We're on our own!" the boy responded.

Grabbing the cups next to himself, he began to place them next to the sides of the coffee machine in hopes they would collect the the liquid instead of letting it spill on the floor. Dick jumped off of the countertop and pulled a towel from nowhere while the redhead muttered something about bat paranoia. Then the streams turned into steady jets, and cups were being filled very quickly. Wally looked around before spotting a squeaky clean sink in the corner.

"Look! A sink! We can empty the filled cups in it!" he said, pointing.

"No duh! Just hurry and get the ones already filled, I'll keep replacing them," Dick remarked with an eye-roll.

"So then we kept replacing the cups with more cups," Wally finished.

"Yeah, but then I ran out of cups and had nothing to stop the coffee with, which was when you three came in," Dick stated.

"Well, I've got important stuff to do, and lots of paperwork, not to mention I now have to clean my thousand dollar clothes from this coffee stain, so... all I can say is, good luck with that," Ollie said, quickly exiting the room before Dinah could catch him.

"I'm gonna go get him," she shouted before Roy could object. He sighed.

"Whatdya say we just leave this mess to the janitor?" he asked the other two.

"Why not?"

Five hours later

A middleaged man with a long beard wearing a jumpsuit sighed and stared at the mess in front of him. I am so getting a raise for this later, he thought, grabbing paper towels from the cart next to him and walking forward.

So how was it? Also, I may never get to reading the reviews you guys put in. I do my own editing, so sorry if it's crappy and seems like the writing of an eight-year old. 'Till next time,

BK195


	2. National Potato Day

"It's Potato Day!" shouted Robin as he cartwheeled into the living room and landed on the couch.

"I didn't know they celebrated such a thing here on Earth," Miss Martian stated when she walked in with a batch of cookies, confused.

Wally ran into the room holding a bag of cheetos. "They don't. Rob, what exactly are you plann-"

"What do you mean, Wally? Of course we celebrate Potato Day! Who doesn't?" the Boy Wonder said, cutting him off and grabbing a cookie. "Also, how could you, you traitor?! It's Potato Day, you eat chips, not cheetos! You're a monster!"

Aqualad came into the room and walked up to them, also getting a cookie. "I believe this is one human tradition I have not heard of. What is this 'Potato Day' you speak of?"

Wally, catching on, spoke this time. "It's a very merry holiday in which we celebrate by throwing potatoes off people's roofs and onto their streets! Sometimes we aim for the people, and if you get hit by one, it means someone wishes you luck!" he said, laughing along with the cackling thirteen-year old next to him.

The zeta tubes announced Artemis as she arrived through them. But instead of her normal uniform, she was wearing a small belt around her waste and two large belts draped across her shoulders. The belts had slots that carried potatoes, and strapped across her back was a rocket launcher, presumably filled with potatoes as well. "Who wants to get this party started?"

Superboy came in at that moment, before grabbing a cookie and walking to the garage. "I'm just gonna' walk Wolf and not ask any questions. Wolf!" he deadpanned.

"Okay, the potato weapons are cool, but I'm more interested in how you got her to join," Wally whispered to Robin, chewing loudly with chips in his mouth.

"I told her my name starts with R. No, Batman didn't give me permission, because I'm still wondering when she'll figure out I could've been talking about the name 'Robin,'" he answered, cutting off Wally's response to the first part.He walked over to Artemis and leaned on her shoulder.

"Well? You two heard her. Let's get this party started!" Wally yelled with two very ecstatic humans and two intrigued yet clueless foreigners.

THISISABREAKLINESODEALWITHIT

Roy Harper had been standing on his balcony, staring at a car down below when he heard a splotchy sound, then giggling. He turned around to check, but saw no one behind him. Going back to watching the cars below, he leaned over the railing when he heard it again. _Splotch!_ Turning to where the sound came from, he was surprished to see a brown lump sitting on his apartment's balcony floor. He heard the sound again, accompanied by more giggling.

This time, there were three lumps. He was going to head inside and grab his bow when another one landed, right on his face. Wiping it off with one sleeve of his coat, he was about to scream at the empty air above him about how annoying Wally and Dick were when it turned into a very green, very alive Martian. "Hi Roy! Good luck, and Happy Potato Day!" M'gann shouted as she flew away to her next unsuspecting victim, leaving behind an extremely confused Red Arrow.

THISISABREAKLINESODEALWITHIT

Alfred Pennyworth didn't know what he was expecting when he heard giggling following him as he came to the end of an aisle in a grocery store. However, it certainly wasn't potatoes flying at him. "Master Dick, it would be nice if you could stop pretending like I don't know you are here," he said.

Normally he would receive a dissapointed sigh or response, but all he got was more giggling. Turning around, he couldn't find the boy he was looking for. He stopped being confused when someone tapped him on the shoulder and greeted him.

"Hi Alfie!" Turning around, he saw Dick twenty aisles over. Confused as to how he got there, he stepped forward to go to him. But all Alfred got was a meeting with the floor as he slipped on a slushy substance that was brown.

"Hey Alfred!" a ginger-haired boy greeted as he looked up. Well that explained how Dick moved there so quickly. Speaking of the boy, he decided that now was a good time to make a joke. "How do you like your potatoes? Cuz now they really are mashed!"

Oh. So that was what he had slipped on.

THISISABREAKLINESODEALWITHIT

'No' her dad had said when she asked to go see the Team. 'No' he had said when she said she wanted to train to fight with magic. 'No' he had said when they visited Gotham and she wanted to save them with magic from a couple of muggers. Well, fine. If he didn't want her to be a hero, she wouldn't be a hero.

Whenever he was around.

But if Zatanna could help people in trouble, she would help them. If a cat was stuck in a tree, she would get it out. If there was traffic, she would subtly help the crosswalk guard. If people were being pelted by potatoes, she would-wait, what? It was true. The news station on the radio kept giving a report about two masked criminals standing on a rooftop and throwing potatoes at people downtown. She turned on the TV, and was shocked to see Aqualad and Artemis on the screen. Artemis was holding a...potato launcher, while Aqualad had a large machine gun. Both weapons were spewing brown slushy stuff that she assumed were s'mashed' potatoes. Changing her clothes and teleporting to them with magic, she asked them what they were doing.

Recognizing her as one of the heroes, the news channels watched intently as everyone held their breath. Seeing her turn around, everyone was relieved, but upon seeing her holding potatoes, they panicked once more. A megaphone appeared in her hand and she put it up to her mouth.

"WELCOME TO POTATO CITY, AND HAVE A VERRY MERRY POTATO DAY!!"

THISISTHISISABREAKLINESODEALWITHIT

 **A/N: I wrote this at five am, so this was all I could come up with. And don't ruin it with science, cuz I know a potato at that height could kill someone. But this is cartoon logic, and cartoon logic is all that exists here. Hope you enjoyed, and Happy Potato Day!**

 **amazinggrace1834:** **Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!**

 **MindGravy:** **Yeah, sorry about that. It was supoosed to have line breaks, but I guess it didn't work. Thanks!**


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